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Pushing back against a 'toxic grind culture' as a coaching mother
Danielle Vaughn explores the invisible struggles that coaching moms face and urges healthier attitudes towards setting boundaries and focusing on family.
As the sun rises on another busy day, I find myself caught in the delicate balance of motherhood and coaching.
With a heart full of passion for the game, and a love that knows no bounds for my family, I embark on a journey that often feels like navigating through uncharted waters.
Being a mom who coaches is a privilege, but it comes with its own set of challenges; ones that are often overlooked by those who prioritize the relentless pursuit of victory above all else.
From the outside, it may seem like a seamless blend of two worlds – the soccer field and the home front. But the reality is far from glamorous.
Every decision I make, both on and off the field, is weighed against the needs of my family.
Balancing practice schedules, game days, and team meetings with school pickups, doctor’s appointments, and bedtime stories requires a level of juggling that would put even the most seasoned circus performer to shame.
This delicate balancing act becomes a constant challenge, one that feels nearly impossible to master.
For many mom coaches, the experience is a dual responsibility that demands unrelenting effort. We pour our hearts and souls into nurturing not only our own children, but also the players we coach.
Yet, despite our dedication and passion, we often find ourselves battling against a system that prioritizes the game over our families and wellbeing.
The inherent imbalance in these expectations really underscores a deeper, systemic issue within the culture of sports coaching.
As a mom who coaches, I’ve experienced first hand the challenges of trying to juggle the demands of both roles.
But what’s even more disheartening, perhaps, is the lack of understanding and empathy from players’ parents and club leadership.
To them, our commitment to the team is paramount, overshadowing our roles as caregivers and nurturers. It’s as if our familial duties are secondary to the needs of the club.
The result? We find ourselves chained to the team, with our personal lives fading into the background. Daring to prioritize our families over coaching duties often comes at a high cost.
If we set boundaries, or take a step back to care for our loved ones, we’re deemed unfit to coach the best players. We’re pushed to the sidelines, our worth as coaches diminished because we dare to have a life outside of the game.
This heartbreaking reality is something many mom coaches face: the feeling of being tossed aside, forgotten, and replaced as soon as we’re no longer deemed useful.
This struggle is further intensified by the toxic ’grind culture’ that permeates the world of sports coaching.
It’s a mentality that glorifies overwork and sacrifice at the expense of everything else – including our own mental and physical health, and, most importantly, time with our families.
We are told that, in order to coach the best players, we must be willing to give 24/7 attention to the team; to be available at a moment’s notice, and to prioritize the game above all else.
The relentless emphasis on pushing players to their limits, regardless of the toll it takes on their wellbeing, creates a toxic environment where success is prioritized over everything else.
Sadly, some coaches buy into this mentality, sacrificing their own wellbeing, and that of their players, in the name of victory.
Parents, too, need to be cautious of coaches who prioritize ’grind culture’ over everything else.
When a coach views your player as nothing more than a machine, pushing them to their limits without regard for their wellbeing, it’s a recipe for disaster.
Players are not robots – they are human beings, with emotions, fears, and limits.
When coaches fail to recognize this, it can have detrimental effects, not only on the players themselves, but also on their relationships with their families and their love for the game.
It’s time for a change. It’s time to break free from the shackles of grind culture and start prioritizing what truly matters – our families, our wellbeing, and our humanity.
As mom coaches, we shouldn’t have to choose between coaching and being there for our loved ones. We shouldn’t have to sacrifice our personal lives to pursue our passion for the game.
The toxic narrative that equates overworking with dedication must be challenged and replaced with one that values balance, compassion, and sustainability.
The transformation starts with us. Mom coaches – know that your sacrifices do not go unnoticed.
Your love, dedication, and unwavering commitment to both your family and your team are an inspiration to all of us.
By standing firm against ’grind culture’, we set an example for the players we coach, teaching them the importance of balance, self-care, and valuing their own wellbeing.
Change also requires parents and club leadership to take responsibility.
Parents must advocate for environments where their children’s wellbeing is prioritized over short-term success.
Club leadership must acknowledge the challenges faced by mom coaches and create supportive systems that allow us to thrive in both our roles.
Providing flexible schedules, fostering open communication, and encouraging a culture of understanding can make all the difference.
Furthermore, it’s crucial to rethink how we define success in sports.
Success shouldn’t only be measured in wins, trophies, or rankings, but in the development of well-rounded, healthy, and confident athletes.
It’s about cultivating a love for the game that lasts a lifetime, not burning out players and coaches in pursuit of accolades or silverware.
By embracing this philosophy, we can create a positive and sustainable environment for everyone involved.
For mom coaches, our strength lies not in conforming to ’grind culture’, but in our refusal to be shackled by it.
We bring a unique perspective to coaching, one that is rooted in empathy, resilience, and a deep understanding of balancing competing priorities.
By embracing these qualities, we can redefine what it means to be successful in the world of sports coaching.
To all the mom coaches out there, remember that you are making a difference. Your efforts to juggle motherhood and coaching inspire those around you, proving that it’s possible to pursue your passion while staying true to your values.
And to those who would seek to diminish our roles, know that our worth isn’t defined by how much we sacrifice, but by the impact we have on the lives we touch.
Together, let’s continue to push back against the toxic grind culture, and champion a more balanced, inclusive, and compassionate approach to coaching.
At the end of the day, it’s not just about winning the game – it’s about winning at life.
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Danielle Vaughn
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