Yolanda Thomas: Mom’s the word

Yolanda Thomas - head coach of Tulsa Soccer Club and director of coaching for its girls program - has spotted a trend that needs addressing.

 

“We all know we need more women coaching,” she notes. “But if we’re going to have more women coaching, inevitably we’re going to end up with more mothers.

“If we want these women to keep coaching, how can we support them?”

Part of the solution is the Moms Who Coach initiative, a United Soccer Coaches (USC) group set up earlier this year that Thomas co-chairs.

“I was involved in the [USC] women’s group and the black soccer coaches group, and there were some women who said they needed support as moms.” she told Women’s Soccer Coaching.

“It’s something I’ve really struggled with and I could have used more support. Now I’m in a position where I have some experience and can support others. But I still need support as I continue.”

What Thomas is continuing is a career in soccer that spans over two decades. Originally from Sweden, she played in the domestic Damallsvenskan for seven seasons and represented Sweden at youth level up to under-21s, before moving to the US to spend four years at Oklahoma State University.

A planned return to Sweden with Linköpings was curtailed by a back injury. It was at that point Thomas made the decision to go into coaching permanently. 

 

“As women, there’s this unspoken pressure to do everything right...”

 

She has now coached at almost every level, from developing the motor skills of two-year-olds to leading Tulsa’s Women’s Premier Soccer League team.

And, of course, Thomas is also a mother. Daughter Sasja is eight, son Solomon five, and the latest addition to the family, Shiloh, is just a few months old.

So when Thomas speaks about offering and needing support, it’s in balancing those two roles: coach and mother.

She said: “I think as women there’s this unspoken pressure to do everything right.

“There is pressure to be a certain way and to be there for your children physically all the time, in a way that is not expected of men.

“When you’re missing, you’re looked upon as weak because you’re nurturing, not just in soccer but in the professional world in general. I see that as a huge strength, as a coach and a leader in particular.

“It’s a tough struggle. Sometimes you’re trying to portray a strong front, walking into a room and having to argue your cause with 20 men, but then you’ve got to flip to be this nurturing mom. That can be a strain.

“There’s also the guilt that inevitably happens when you miss your kid’s game, or their social function at school. It’s a struggle trying to be everywhere at all times.

 

“The other major struggle is just not having support, and having to function in a world that wasn’t designed for you to succeed.

“It’s run by men who think like men all the time. They aren’t thinking about the things that women deal with.” 

 

‘REMEMBER WHY YOU DO WHAT YOU DO AND DON’T BE AFRAID OF SUPPORT’ – YOLANDA’S ADVICE FOR MOTHERS WHO COACH   “To the women out there who may be thinking about having kids or have had kids, always remember why you do what you do. “You’re going to deal with people who don’t want to support you, be it employers, friends or family. Don’t let anyone tell you what to do. “You’ll have moments where it’s tough. You’ll have moments where you haven’t slept all night and you’re still having to run a session or you’re trying to pump and you’re leaking. “Remembering why you do what you do is the thing that is going to help you get through the tough moments. “The other thing I would recommend is seeking out other women who have gone through it. Don’t be afraid to ask or send a DM or a message. We’re out here and we’re here to support you, so seek out some advice and some counsel. “No one does it alone. I couldn’t have done it alone. I happen to have an extremely supportive husband but I also have family members and friends who support me. “Inevitably there are those schedule jams that you just can’t sort out. You’re going to need help.”