How to build a bond with your players

Warm-up and cool-down chats

There are moments during warm-ups and cool-downs that you can check in with a player, too.

If we are doing cool-down dynamic stretching, I’ll jump in next to a player and do the stretching with them, while asking about things going on in their life that they’ve told me about before or that I picked up along the way.

Be authentic - be you

Too many times we put on a front with our players. We play a different role.

Our players need to know we are human, make mistakes and are relatable. This does not mean you have to be an open book - but your players need to see you for who you are, not who you want them to think you are.

When players know you are relatable, and that you have faults and are really no different from them, this opens doors for them to be more comfortable around you.

Accountability

This is about holding players to a standard - keeping them accountable for what they say they want to do and who they say they want to become.

I have done goal-setting in the past, both in soccer and life. Players give me a copy of their goals and they keep a copy. 

"Our players need to know we are human, make mistakes and are relatable..."

This helps open up conversations when they are not living up to these goals they have set for themselves. 

Walk alongside players, support them and encourage them to live up to what they want to be, ultimately holding them accountable for their actions.

Again, players don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. In theory, this all sounds easy - but it takes time. All good relationships take time.

Bonds with players are built over days, weeks and months of different moments and interactions.

Some days you get it right and some days you get it wrong. But no matter what - show up for your players. Be there for them.

Remember that we are not just teaching the Xs and Os. We are investing in them and in their future - to help mould and influence those that will be our sport’s future.

There are so many different ways to build relationships with players, but these are just a few that I have found work for me.

Find what works for you and build those relationships. Invest in your players as human beings, not human doings.

I’ll end with these questions posed by Tom Bates: “What is it like being coached by you?” and “What did you need as a player that you did not have? How can you be that for our players?".

Spend time figuring it out. Once those relationships begin to be built, amazing things begin to happen on the pitch.